After taking and destroying both the two female moderators and Tim Walz AT ONCE, J.D. Vance had to quickly rush away from the stage during the first ad-break when he heard the cries of Pumpkin, Tim Walz’s cat using his abnormally wide pitch-range detecting ears.
As Pumpkin was being lowered into a big iron cauldron by several Mambos and a Houngan, Vance stepped onto the scene. “It may be Autumn, but the west won’t fall. Wasn’t it supposed to be white women who loved putting pumpkin into boiling liquids this time of year?” Vance announced to his foes.
Scrambling in fear, and swearing in Haitian at being foiled again by J.D. Vance, the Vodouisants fled for their neighbor’s backyards. Vance used a little of his own voodoo magick and activated his deport-o-vision to curse each one to be sent back to where they came from.
J.D. Vance flew Pumpkin back with him to the debate and—not willing to take the easy win by embarrassing his opponent—deposited Pumpkin safe-and-sound with Walz’s family, who each fell deeply in love with Vance’s sky-colored eyes.
After the ad-break, J.D. finished off all three of his opponents and won by the quality of his rhetoric alone. Bravo.
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