My initial Long Covid diagnosis came as a shock; I was quadruple boosted, and masked around the clock. Today, my doctor brought me some breaking news: my case of Long Covid is terminal, and I only have four weeks and five days left to live. What is more, due to a defective birth control implant, I have recently become involuntarily pregnant again. My initial reaction was one of panic and grief; how could this happen to me? After all, I had received all the correct medical procedures to prevent these very things from happening. Still, I had been fortunate enough to receive seven abortions at this point in my life, but because of this illness I would not live to see my ninth.
Since then, I have come to the realization that like all other situations, and unlike some other people, I am actually very well equipped to handle this as a pro-choice feminist and environmentalist. However, because I had become so comfortable with my monotonous lifestyle before this revelation, there remained one inconsistency in my beliefs that I had misunderstood until now. So, here is why the early end of my life is no big deal at all, and nothing for you to get mad about about anyways, but more than as just pro-choice, I want to be remembered as anti-vax, too:
Being pro-choice is more than donating to planned parenthood; being pro-choice is supporting any and every decision a femxle brain makes for her respective body, all the time. Being pro-choice is giving high school girls universal access to on-demand same-day cosmetic surgery, gender affirming hormone therapy, and assisted suicide, no questions asked. Being pro-choice is making it legal to sell any quantity of any drug to any party lxdy who wants it without fear of repercussions, unless she was already intoxicated when she was solicited and/or she feels that there should be. Being pro-choice is assigning a regional, individualized age of consent to each man based on what the local womyn say his should be when surveyed with his selfie and salary, which can then be updated retroactively as needed. And yes, being pro-choice is supporting the right of any mother to do a SIDS while she is nursing an external parasite, as a man would a fat juicy tick infected with Lyme disease.
That is why personally and ethically, I am celebrating the bravery that Gaia has shown to choose what is his best for her by aborting me. Feminists need to wake up and see vaccines for what they are: more tools invented by the patriarchy to control femxle behavior. Long Covid on the other hand, which has been shown to disproportionately affect members of the LGBT community, is a gift from our Goddess; a vehicle for our liberation. A bacterial infection or a curette, a virus or a vacuum aspirator, all are mere instruments used to remove a parasite from its host, and should be cherished equally as such.
How could we be so ignorant as to place our own well beings above that of the Environment for so long, while we still gestate within Her womb? As a pro-choice feminist and environmentalist, I should have never been so foolish to entertain this inequality in the first place, but at least now I can repent. I realize now that I have always been anti-vax, it just took me this long to figure it out, and with that knowledge I can leave this world at peace. So, my PILLED news sisters, I finally bid you adieu. The Allmother beckons I return to her, and I’ll see you in Fólkvangr.
So if men could get vaccines, you would still tell them not to get one, too, right?