Press "Enter" to skip to content

Car Review: Soytruck™, the new green-energy pickup we got paid to tell you about.

When I first came across the Soytruck on Reddit, I fell in love. And unlike Jessica in high school, I managed to take this one home without ending up with a restraining order. The Soytruck is a renewable, clean-energy driven pickup truck, made by none other than Soysla Industries. It runs on, you guessed it, special recyclable cartridges(!!!) of soybean oil. (Gotta say, Ivan Crust, if you’re reading this, I LOVE the cartridge idea. Makes me feel like I’m playing NES like a kid again!)

Each cartridge has a hi-tech micro controller that lets you know through the companion app how much soy is left. It gives you notifications if it’s low, which is really convenient if I’m about to go on a long trip.

When your cartridge runs out, or if you want to top-off before visiting your parents, you simply press the eject button. This engages the recycle mode of the cartridge, and seals it off so it can’t get contaminated. Soysla recommends taking them to local recycling centers, but I prefer going to ones in the inner city because it makes me feel more like I’m helping out.

Once ejected, you need to buy a new cartridge from a Soysla depot, which are common here in California, but I’m told they’re few and far between out East. This ensures you’re using the most updated cartridge, with the latest and safest software.

Each cartridge gives you a whole 150 miles on the highway. Plenty of trolls will complain online about this, claiming you can normally go way further with a gas car that doesn’t use “wasteful” cartridges (which are made of recycled plastic anyway).

Besides, even if a gas car were better than the Soytruck, it’s way more important to help the planet. Really, everyone should buy one for themselves. If the $350,000 price tag is too much, that’s understandable. I’m sure Tesla Motors can accommodate their tiny wallets. Maybe get a Cybertruck. It’s for the planet, not you.

The takeaway:

Overall, I give the Soytruck 5 stars out of 5. And Ivan Crust: to you sir, I give you a tip of my hat.

3 Comments

  1. Truckdude Truckdude January 16, 2020

    Heh, this isn’t A REAL truck… as a REAL brapman, I think you ought to rethink this whole article… if you don’t fuel literally everything with gasoline, I think it’s all a ploy after 9/11 (god bless those planes souls and fuel,) to try and DEMONIZE gas in place of… so called “””””soy”””””. It’s all fake! It doesn’t even exist. I hate you and everybody on this pathetic commienazi site. I’m gonna go puff one with the boys and their delicious white sticks.
    #BRAAAAAP
    #trucktrump2020MAGA

    • Sex Sex January 17, 2020

      sex!

  2. S3XY S3XY August 11, 2020

    ugh. this is such an obvious dig at elon musk and his innovations I’m not even going to begin to respond to this ridiculous article. I’m showing r/tesla this. Get ready for the hatestorm.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *