BREAKING PILLED.NEWS night team just received word from correspondents at a secret laboratory in Tehran. Due to the nature of this information, we have only…
Posts published in “Brown”
Where we shit one we shit all.
On parole from the Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Maximum Security Prison and Insane Asylum, Hillary Clinton made an appearance on CNN to issue a fatwa…
“Bernie” is often seen as a metaphorical-freudian Santa Klaus, beating the Twix out of Arians and Aryans alike, going to jail, and handing out free…
The dinner was intended to act as a formal opportunity to grant honors and awards to the players, but questions arose as to whether or not common Russian street food was adequate catering for such an event.
“As your present, I promise to be there for you.”
– Tulsi, during her inaugural speech.
After I watched the Democratic Debates last night, I noticed something a little off. CNN never gave presidential candidate Andrew Yang much respect, and typically snubbed him at the debates. But tonight was different; they wouldn’t even so much as point the camera at him.
“Roughly every sixty rounds, a reporter puts on a pound” explained Sam Weston, an agricultural scientist and professor of the University of Virginia. “But, the violence is only one aspect of, well, the violence.”
In the early morning hours of the third of January, a US special operations team connected to vanilla.soleimanicraft.ir, the private Minecraft server of general Soleimani. Until recently the server had been whitelisted, but intelligence agencies noticed that sometime last week the whitelist had been disabled during a login server outage. A specialized team of cyber warfare experts was assembled before the whitelist could be re-enabled, and within minutes Soleimani had been reduced to a pile of items on the sand.
Susan Rouge, an entrepreneur and single mother of two, was tragically reported missing this morning. Authorities have since stated this could be related to a series of conflicts involving a gang of Facebook makeup saleswomen. A local search party has been organized in an attempt to find her, but knowing that oily slut she could easily be in another country by now.
As the economy slowly but steadily shies away from long term employees and hourly wages, economists are scrambling to fill the pages of more shitty textbooks. Barron Wuffer, union manager and renowned gig economist, claims that he has seen this coming for years, drawing inspiration from the popular adult cartoon Family Guy.